And Yes I Dreamt Of You Too.

Its been a crazy month. Well, last month. I cant believe this time last year, I was thinking about you and I at college. Together. And im now alone without you.

Im not sure what Im meant to say, what you want me to say. I make sure not to talk to you first. Its my way of making you want to talk to me. Sometimes it works. you say hello every few days and sometimes we laugh, and have those Chris and Chelsea moments. You even asked me to stay in one night and talk to you. But...i know you need me to let you go. you started to tell me about how youre having trouble in your relationship with the girl who took you from me. and i sucked it up and i gave you advice, not to sabotage but to save your relationship. i think thats true love right there. i love you enough to let you go. it hurts. it hurts like you wouldnt believe, but if it makes you happy it cant be that bad, yeah? what kind of person would i be to make you unhappy? youre so blind though. im the one youre supposed to be with. you were never sad with me. i dont know whats so special about her. and im sorry you feel unwanted in your relationship. i know youre depressed, you tried to off yourself. dont ever do that again. i dont know what i would do without you. id hate myself for never getting to hug you. i wouldnt want to live.

i will always love you. always babe.

i actually had a relationship for two days but we hung out not long after you left me. i needed someone to grab onto. as you can see it didnt work out. he wasnt you. and i hated every second of it. i got him off my back though. heh.

It Might Be The Weather Speaking, But Sometimes I Dream About You.

We spent summer in love with our heads in the clouds.
And now its autumn, and theres nothing to do but fall.
Winter is coming and we will spend it shivering in the cold, with a blanket on our shoulders.
The world seems as heavy as my eyelids before i stumble into a world that just isnt mine anymore.
And i wish you would stop haunting me in my sleep. you were mine again.

you talked to me.
you have no idea how much i miss you.

and i wonder where forever went, and how our everything came undone.

i hate smoking. i dont know why i do it.maybe its because it feels like im inhaling everything that is youor maybe its because i finally get to exhale your ghost from my systemits a little memory i hold up to my lips to taste, breathe, and think about.theres 20 of you in a pack and breathing you in never gets old.you travel deep into my lungs and you always make it to my heart.sometimes i choke on your ghost. other times i breathe as much of you in as i can and blow you into the air. free, where you belong.you sink into my clothes. your scent on me until i decide to cycle yourmemory away. addiction takes away the buzz but with you i alwaysfeel light headed and happy until my thoughts blow you out.the wind takes you down, and you shine just as bright as the sun.you reach the end and i get to throw you away.

just leave me alone. please.

And I Know In My Heart You Cant Say That You Dont Love Me Too.

I kissed a "stranger". Someone whose lips were not of those who I was meant for.
Not sure how to tell how i feel. It fills the void.

I miss you babe. I really do.
You told me to leave you alone, and not ruin it for you. So im not.
But i know you need me. Hey unwanted, i will love you.

A Future Without Me.

I tried to kill myself, and I did, on the inside. Which is why im disappointed in myself. I dont want to feel anymore. I dont want to live anymore, atleast in this body and mind.

The only feeling I had last night was seeing the world spin. and how your star kept taunting my vision. mocking me and shining as bright as it ever has. i popped more pills than my age, and I still didnt feel a thing. I drank out of bottles with no end. I filled my lungs with smoke that just didnt do the trick. everythings a mess.

and im trying to keep myself going because I want the things you and I wanted. Even if it means that Ill have them alone. I still want everything you promised. and im trying so hard not to throw college away. theres just no life without you. how...can you even be doing this without me. how? i cant even get that. youre fine with no trouble at all. I cant believe youre okay.

Dont ever call me babe again. Im not yours. Not anymore.
"I dont really wanna talk about us anytime soon. just wanna keep my mind on the baby"
"uhmm i should just let you go for good shouldnt i? :/"
"babe...i dont wanna talk about it just yet."

I hope you teach Ruby about true love. And how you felt it once with a girl you refused to hold. And how you kept throwing her away for someone who just doesnt care. And how you tookadvantage of her when she was learning to be herself again. I hope Ruby doesnt go through what I go through. and I hope she never has to hear the sound of her parents fighting. even though its inevitable between you two.

the ring with two hearts. i hope it stays on your finger and doesnt to come off. the ring finger has a vein that leads all the way up to your heart. and thats not a lie. i hope it pulses my memory into a heart i thought was mine.

Im sorry theres no you and I. theres just me, and then theres you. you did this. this is your fault.
it was never mine. You let me down, now deal with it.

Welcome To The World Little Lamb. :]

So, we're talking forever And you almost feel better But, betters no excuse for tonight.

Ive been tied between the branches of what is good for me, what i want, and what i need.
Youre good for me in the ways that should be bad. and youre bad for me in some ways that need to be good. Its just how you are. You treat me like...hmm something so amazing one day and the next its like wow, im trash. I want you. I want us. I want to be with you. I want to hold your hand, and I want all the things young couples do. I need you in order to keep myself sane. Whether or not I need you in a relationship to keep me mentally stable is another.

Im okay right now because i know you still want to talk and that you miss me. im so grateful. and i really do miss calling you babe, and saying i love you. but i think we were putting so much stress on our relationship that it got the best of us. good things come to those who wait. you have no idea how it hurt for you to beg me to come see you. it broke me. and it put me in this awful state of mind where i was more focused on money and trying to rush coming to see you that we fought about it. i want you. i want only you but i think keeping you from the real world without me in it, is selfish. to me youre still my love, my boyfriend, but i think we need to slow down. ill come to you, but dont have a timeline for it because it could be ever changing. i love you and i cant wait to be with you, whether were friends or more.

Baby was born today. I cant wait to see pictures of her. Im a proud sorta mommy.

Cant Breathe.

You broke up with me.

- CHRIS;// says:
There's nothing wrong with you and I do love you.
It's just it's like we live in seperate worlds...

CHELSEA. says:
You better find someone who will love you. and never hurt you.
i dont want to let you go Chris.
- CHRIS;// says:
I don't want anyone else :X
CHELSEA. says:
Then dont do this?
But i think you want to
- CHRIS;// says:
I don't want to but It's unfair on you.
You need someone where you live..

- CHRIS;// says:
I do want you it's just we've got things we need to do...
You've got college.

- CHRIS;// says:
Don't get a passport.
CHELSEA. says:
What...
Why? :/
- CHRIS;// says:
This clearly aint working...
CHELSEA. says:
Are you...uhm breaking up with me?
You promised you wouldnt hurt me again...
- CHRIS;// says:
You need someone closer to you..
CHELSEA. says:
No i dont. I need you.
- CHRIS;// says:
That can actually hold you and kiss you >_<

Id love to get lost in a bottle.
Youre all i ever wanted. You promised forever. Cant do this again. Life ends here.